I may sound very 60-ish, and I think its 60-ish because unlike everyone else I know, I cry on movies. What made me write this is the movie ‘Bol’ (Speak-up). Since I apparantly got stronger and I could stop my tears from flowing so I didn’t usually cry on movies for the past year. But ‘Bol’ did it. The strength of tears was so much that it broke all my self-created physical and psychological barriers and for 15 minutes I couldn’t save my tears for a better moment. Though I succeded in a while and I regret crying on it, I must say, the movie deserved it. Undoubtedly, the best movie of 2011. It hits and hurts more than the cupid’s arrow.
When I was a pre-med student, I used to think over this trait of mine and consider it some kind of a psychological disorder, like as if I had been separated from a beloved when I was little and its now showing up in this form, though I could never come up with anyone/anything that I was separated from. It was my mother who solved the mystery and pointed out what was wrong when we were watching the movie ‘Shakti’ in which Shahrukh Khan, played a very small role and dies in like 20 mins, and I was crying on it when she said, ‘Hareem, why do you cry only when Shahrukh dies!’ And I realized that, till then, I have been crying only for Shahrukh.
Some years later, I happened to watch ‘Cast Away’ (I rarely watch movies in the year they have been released). Some cousins were there too and when Tom Hanks loses Wilson.. well, that was it! My trait had expanded its horizons without me knowing. I was all teary eyed but hiding it from cousins when my mother gave me a random look and I asked, ‘Mom, can I cry?’ She nodded. And I regret that moment to this day. You can imagine why.
Anyway, after that Wilson moment, the trait got stronger than ever. It took over the books and news (natural disasters ones) too. The only solution I could figure out was to avoid anything emotional. Movies, I can stay away from. News, I can live without. But books? No way! I tried my best to avoid the sad-ending books (I love them) and choose more neutral or okay-type books. With time, the trick worked and I could watch any movie and read any book without crying. But that was all before I watched the movie ‘Bol.’ Now I’m way too scared to touch that unread Torey Hayden’s book on my shelf. I have re-read other books just to avoid reading that one. But books, specially unread ones, have some strange kind of magnetic pull and I know I won’t be able to stop it for long. I cannot fight two sides of my personality. And I cannot figure out a faster, more reliable method.